Thursday, April 30, 2015

Why I try to be small

I'm a little person. If you know me, you know I'm not the tiniest person in the bunch, but I'm always on the shorter end. Lately, it seems like kids are even taller than me. Let's just say I can't reach the top shelf of anything without climbing on something, or otherwise getting a really tall person to help. (...And for your information, my definition of a really tall person is "anyone who can reach the top shelf. If that's you, congratulations- I am in awe of your body's ability to stretch itself.

Perhaps I shouldn't be writing this when I'm tired. If there are excess amounts of sarcasm in my writing, just take it for exhaustion. I just finished finals week in my 2nd year of undergrad (which makes me, officially, a senior. Praise the Lord!), and I have so much to do. Number one on that list is sleep. But something popped into my mind and I just can't get it out. Thus, here I am, spilling out my mind and heart to a lovely blank space.

*Ahem* (Again, tired...)... First off, I suppose I should clear up some things about my title. I frequently wish I were taller. My apparent sarcasm was really truth. Sometimes I have to fight jealousy over all the tall people in the world. People tell me I have it better; apparently all the guys like shorter girls, etc. But really, it seems like all you tall people have it better. The only thing small people seem to do well is hide-and-go-seek. Seriously, unless you are five years old and under 4feet, I will probably beat you, every time, at hide-and-go-seek. Otherwise, being short isn't all that great. I get people asking me if I am 16, if I need help, telling me how cute I am, thinking I can't do something....So I find myself always trying to be taller. I climb trees, I climb shelves (tall people are always conveniently absent when you need them), I wear heels.... but it just doesn't work.

My mind has gradually been changing on the concept of smallness. Don't get me wrong, I still love all my tall people friends, I love the feeling of tallness when you climb or wear heels... But I'm learning to be content with my littleness. Even more, I have learned something about being little.

When you are small, you always look up to people. If you treat that opportunity right, you start to learn things. You get a chance to listen, and perhaps to begin that process of understanding the world around you. Kind of like being a kid, when there was someone older and wiser than you, and you had a moment where you could just sit and listen and learn from them. When I had those experiences, I usually walked away feeling motivated to do something.
Do you remember how you used to dream in those moments?

I do, because I've been having them a lot lately.

Maybe you're starting to see my point. I hope so. I mean, I'm not writing a thriller here.

For those of you visual learners or mathematicians, I made a formula. (LOL). Here it is:

Kids dream. Small people dream. Being small sometimes has nothing to do with height. Smallness comes when you realize that you are not quite big enough to fill the room, and you recognize those people that take up more space than you. I mean really, have you ever seen a really tiny person confront a really big person? It always seems to me that the "wow" factor is more on the smaller person's side.

Smallness is not putting yourself down or saying you are not enough, except perhaps to notice that your body is not quite big yet. So you recognize those that are, and watch to see how they got there. Unfortunately, this no longer works for me as far as height goes, but when we talk dreams...

I guess what I'm getting at is that we (I) should try to listen better. I think there is a reason that Jesus asked us to have faith like children, and also to sit at the back of the table rather than the seat of honor. In those places you can still grow, and when you are moved forward it is even sweeter. Plus, children have this amazing tenacity that leads to "impossible" dreams and "too-large for life" motivations. I have this feeling that if we could get our kids to NOT lose their dream-big mentality, and if we could find it ourselves, the world would potentially explode with the amazing things that would happen.

OK ok. My tired self is going nuts. Obviously the world would not explode. Metaphors people!
Anyway, I could go on and on about this. However, in the interest of grammar and word errors that will certainly appear any moment now (wait for it), I am off to do that wonderful thing called sleep. You all should try it sometime. And you should consider dreaming, but not just the sleep-kinds.

One last thing before I go. Another "if you know me" moment, but my tagline is very obviously that "life is an adventure." This isn't by accident. My view on life as adventure comes from a firm belief that God is on the throne, and that He is my friend. My dream, if you care to know, is to see Jesus glorified. And out of this dream comes a whole adventure that I call life. YES, I can't wait for heaven. But I'm also pretty thrilled with right now. I'm with Jesus, and no matter what happens...This is not an idealist statement, but a "look, I have had those moments of total crap in my life. I understand and still think this" moment. So I'm off to bed. And in the morning, when I wake up with joy (because God is SO good, all the time), I'll spend my day trying to be small. Because small people learn a lot, and small people dream big dreams. I want to be a small person who sees God, because I know those people will do big things with Him.

I hope it goes without saying, but obviously you can too, regardless of stature.
'Night friends.