Sunday, April 20, 2014

Easter: Meanderings of Faith

Well Hello Friends. Nice to see you there.

Let's be real. That's "really" (oh yes, I got my punny side from my father) why I created this blog. This is from my heart to yours. Maybe you'll read this and get something out of it, or maybe I will get a rant off my chest. My goal is simply to live life all the way with Jesus.
Well, here goes!

In the interest of Easter.... Well, I thought I'd share a little bit of what's been on my mind this wonderful not so Sunday anymore (not that you cared, but it's midnight. I'm in to details).

This might be long. Sorry not sorry? Your choice to read.
I love you all either way. :)
Today I have known Jesus for 15 years. This is an honest reflection of my heart right now... Take it as you will.

Dreams are something hard to dream. We can be afraid to dream, afraid to start, afraid to trust, afraid to hide.
I know I am.

Trust. My mind balks at the word.
The list of "cannots" dulls my soul.
My heart beats slowly, then rapidly, in wild turns of depression and fear.
Cannot trust, cannot draw near. Cannot hope, cannot withstand the burn, cannot... cannot.
My mind and heart struggle, Feeling heavy, as in a fog full to drowning.

Something within me stops, frustration evidenced on my heart's longing face,
pounding through its unsteady beats.
I KNOW! .... I have been told.... He said!.... Didn't He?

Fear tries to block out trust, walling me in on every side, pushing out light, pushing out hope- can anyone hear?
The fear screams in the silence of isolation.

Dimly, my heart hears Trust call me by name. Can it hope?
Fear is silenced - fearful to fear. Afraid of unanswered hopes, afraid of not fearing.
I try to hide, deep in a shell of misery...
But like a clear note or a soft whisper,
Trust tugs at my heart - "come to me."

It is Him, He is here, whispers my tired heart.
A stirring as breeze through the trees shakes and sifts the fog.
Is it real? The fog tries to settle.

Surely, it cannot be.
Another Cannot.

Again, trust knocks on my heart, the persistent tap of a feather.
The fog and fear and heart and me just stare at one another- tense.
Could it be?

Like the coo of a dove, Trust whispers my name, words to blow my mind.
Come to me

Everything in me says no, it cannot, you cannot, He cannot.
But my heart has set my course, it cannot be deterred.
As in waking from a dream, or crying out from the slothful place, or reaching up from the pits,
my heart responds... weakly... 'I am coming.'

Did He hear? Does He know?
My heart starts to sink, but rises up again - "I don't care!" it says.
Life is one way. I follow that hope. Hope of Love.

My heart gets up now, dragging soggy, torn limbs of the worried me.
Come along, it says. Him we will seek, Him we shall find.
He called me.
I told Him I'm Coming.