So another one of my friends got engaged yesterday.
Don't get me wrong, I am beyond thrilled.
I mean, I already have their wedding gift half-way done.
But I couldn't help the little mental sigh that came. You know the one.
Please don't get me wrong, I am far from in a hurry to be in a relationship. But my mind can't help but make the tally. This friend in a relationship for almost two years. That one entering into a more serious relationship, those ones going Facebook official (because apparently that's a big deal), and my other friends with several guys pursuing them.
Oh dear, there's that sigh again. The inner mirror turns and looks at me, and sighs again. I'm not unsatisfied with what I find in me, yet I can't help the next sigh that comes out.
I find myself in this strange place of wanting and yet not wanting, because I know that now is not the time.
Here's the deal: I am trying to be content in being single, and I don't care who knows. It's not because I disdain relationships (because I don't), or because I'm trying not to be jealous of my friends (because I'm not), or even because I am trying to find patience for right now (well, I'm always trying to do That). It's more because I believe that God has called us to be content where we are, regardless of circumstances.
Maybe this is just another single girls' post. I'll be honest that someday I do want to be in a relationship, to be married to a guy (who I unashamedly hope is like my dad and brothers). But my desires and dreams don't center around this one thing. My dream for a husband is that someday I can pursue the rest of my desires (and his) with him, not pursue him.
Because the ultimate goal and desire in my heart is God. I don't care how cheezy it is, but I want to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus, and to walk in this way towards him-- whether I am single or not.
It seems my heart is settled, so why the sigh?
Maybe to laugh at myself...
Maybe in relief that it's not me yet....
Maybe in answer to the reminder that someday....
Sigh. Looking out at the snow, I remember I have bronchitis-- that's probably why I sighed. Oxygen getting to lungs, that's an important thing. ;)
I sigh again, surprised to find it is one of utter contentment.
When you know you're looking for God, life can be nothing but an adventure-- whether sick or single or whatever status you happen to have.
Laugh a little harder and longer, and more often at yourself.
Dance in the rain if you like to, but not just because it's cheezy, because you can.
Sing in the morning and in the night, because the morning will just come again.
Say "I love you" to the people around you and mean it with your actions too...
Pursue God with all your heart and all you have.... He'll be found.
And you'll find life, don't worry kids. You really will.
And thanks, everyone, for reading my #odeToCheezy post. Be encouraged!