Saturday, December 13, 2014

Confessions of the Ever Positive Person

Have you ever walked through the door and unexpectedly found yourself crying?
Somehow this happens to me a lot.
You see, I'm the kind of person that shows all my emotions all the time, except for the negative ones. I always have a smile on my face. Generally people know something is wrong if I'm not smiling. I've always been the kind of person that sees the silver lining and everything, and keeps my negativity to myself- Until I get home that is. At home I can't be fake, and somehow all the emotions come out, all at once.

My whole life I've been this way. I remember one time when I flipped head over heels on my bike, after coming down a steep hill and hitting a speed bump. There was a definite smack and loss of air as I hit that asphalt, HARD. Did it hurt? Oh yeah. But did Megan cry? oh no. I picked up my bike and walked myself shakily back to our campground (on one of our many family camping trips). People asked me if I was ok and I smiled and joked and kept walking. The second the camper door closed behind me I collapsed into a crying heap on the floor in front of my mom.

Even rocks feel emotions people. Why else would they show the weather of time and space across their faces? Here's the deal: I'm not saying don't be positive. I am the Biggest fan of positivity in the world. I generally think the cure for everything (other than Jesus) is either a cup of tea, a good night's sleep, or a simple smile. (Sometimes all three...).

But sometimes the best cure is that raw human emotion we talked about earlier (see previous post).
My thought on my 'anti-negativity' stance that sharing those thoughts generally doesn't help anyone. I'm not trying to be in-genuine, just trying to enjoy life, you know?

Yet I am still so human, and it just takes one thing to remind me. One thing, like coming home after a long stay away, and not hearing the familiar jingle and bark that was constant through my childhood. This happened last night, when I came home from college, and for a split second I looked for my dog, even though I knew she wasn't there. They'd already told me, but I forgot. Then the welcoming bark failed to come, and that little wagging tail never showed.

So here's the deal people. Please be real. That doesn't mean let yourself go all the time, or that you should give in to negativity. But its ok to cry when things go wrong, or be upset when something happens. Just remember that you are human. Even God cries. Remember Jesus weeping over Lazarus? (if not ask me sometime and I'll tell you all about it).

The best advice that someone ever gave me was after my Grandma died, and I was (in appearance) my usual, happy, "God is good" self. On the inside I was dying and afraid and so extremely sad. This friend of mine saw it, gave me a hug, and whispered "It's OK to cry" in my ear.

I'm not rejecting my love of positivity, tea or silver-linings. And sleep and smiles definitely never seem to hurt (joy comes in the morning, remember?). But I'm admitting that in my journey through life, I get hurt, and I cry.... and it's OK. Be human.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, and mourn with those who mourn. (Romans 12:15)