Trusting-
It's like forgiving and breathing.
Like the beating of your heart, it has to keep repeating, going and drumming.
If it didn't, you would experience death in life,
Instead of the life in death that it offers.
Trusting makes you look around, see things.
You see stars instead of dark nights,
the design of the wind instead of the ferocity of the storm.
Trusting gives hope.
Or, hope helps trust succeed....
Maybe trust is hope in action.
Trust is more intimate than hope, though.
It makes hope personal.
But what is underneath the two?
There has to be something inspiring their dance.
Is it faith?
No, faith is a certainty of hope, hope's child.
What is the foundation?
What is the ground that hope and trust dance on?
They are too vulnerable to grow alone.
Respect, admiration, these could not be the foundation- they whither in a day.
So what remains when hope and trust are gone?
From whence do they come? What drives their dance?
Sacrifice and offerings don't build hope or trust.
Unless-
What if the sacrifice is one of love?
Could it be a foundation?
Could love remain when trust and hope are gone?
Is love strong enough to hold the dreams of hope, and the arms of trust?
How does one trust?
Where does one find hope, if not in love?
Hope without love- it makes me shudder.
It seems more like fear than hope.
It is bred out of desperation, not hope.
Determination isn't enough for hope without love,
For determination will die before hope is fulfilled.
But hope WITH love has purpose.
Hope and love together breed faith, courage...
These bring determination.
Determination for what?
To persevere in action and character,
To trust the hope- hope of love.
Hope that dances on a strong foundation.
Trust that acts from Hope's inspiration.
All because of love-
Love that caused a Life (indeed, Life itself) to conquer Death.
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
I'm A Determined Struggler
I know what it feels like to not feel hope. To be desperate, to be afraid of the dark, and afraid of your own shadow. Even yesterday, I was up late into the night, staring at the ceiling, struggling with life.
But enough on that. I don't want to push it away or say that life is not hard or that is only a portion of my life. In fact, I am learning that most of life is a struggle. And I am not the only one who REALLY struggles. (such a good word, right? Sorry if I overuse the word "struggle," but it is so appropriate for what I am feeling. If you want, maybe substitute "wrestle with life," or use your imagination. But I like "struggle").
Ok, I take that back. I do not "like" struggle, or struggling, but I am realizing that is a fact of life. However, I just wasted two whole paragraphs talking about what you guys already know, but few people acknowledge -- life is hard. I say "wasted" because the struggle is not what has been occupying my attention or energy.
The struggles have been trying to drain me, to steal all that I have. They have been sucking away my hope and my sleep and my vitality. They've been giving me back problems and causing my hair to shed like a small animal. But still the struggles are not on the forefront of my mind.
At the front is hope.
Do you know hope? Not the person, though I have known many an amazing Hope. I mean the knowledge that goes through and deeper than feelings and emotions. The knowledge and the wish and the TRUST, that everything will be ok. That somehow you are going to make it.
Through the back pain, through the migraines, through the memories of trauma... Through the storms...
Its like having a really good friend. A true friend, you know? A true friend, that loves you. But not the kind of love that all of you are probably picturing, or even what I would picture. A true friend listens to all of your talk and doesn't call it jabbering; they sit through your tears. A true friend doesn't actually care if you reciprocate friendship-- even though this friend loves you, they will give without requiring back. They'll sit with you on sleepless nights, and walk with you when you are scared of the dark. Even more, a true friend would give anything for you, even if you didn't accept it. If you were in trouble, this friend would even give their life.
Perhaps you know someone like this. I know I WANT to be this kind of friend. And I have friends that I would call true, yet I do not hold them quite to this standard. My friends are human, after all. There might be some sleepless nights where they can't make it. But, however "cliche" it sounds, Jesus is a true friend. He even gave his life for me, for you, not caring if we would reciprocate or accept. But he wants it. In fact, he is so jealous for my/your friendship, that he waits outside the door, waiting for us to let him in. And if you're like me, maybe you've given him ownership... Sometimes he just sits at the table with you, waiting patiently for you to talk. Either way, he is a true friend. He is the reason why I hope.
SO we come back today. I have class, and I am living real life. I am priviledged to have real friends who look a lot like my best friend, but none are quite like him. He's the one I'm leaning into. And here's how I hope. I am going to hope so hard that I can't stand on my own. People will ask how I am, and I will say I can't stand, but it isn't because the struggles. It's because the second part of "I can't stand" is "without my Jesus."
Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I'm misplacing my hope. But I don't care. I know I'm not a pessimist to say that the day will get harder sometimes. But I'm leaning in to my Hope-- my Jesus-- with all that I have. So I don't actually care. Bring on the rain.
But enough on that. I don't want to push it away or say that life is not hard or that is only a portion of my life. In fact, I am learning that most of life is a struggle. And I am not the only one who REALLY struggles. (such a good word, right? Sorry if I overuse the word "struggle," but it is so appropriate for what I am feeling. If you want, maybe substitute "wrestle with life," or use your imagination. But I like "struggle").
Ok, I take that back. I do not "like" struggle, or struggling, but I am realizing that is a fact of life. However, I just wasted two whole paragraphs talking about what you guys already know, but few people acknowledge -- life is hard. I say "wasted" because the struggle is not what has been occupying my attention or energy.
The struggles have been trying to drain me, to steal all that I have. They have been sucking away my hope and my sleep and my vitality. They've been giving me back problems and causing my hair to shed like a small animal. But still the struggles are not on the forefront of my mind.
At the front is hope.
Do you know hope? Not the person, though I have known many an amazing Hope. I mean the knowledge that goes through and deeper than feelings and emotions. The knowledge and the wish and the TRUST, that everything will be ok. That somehow you are going to make it.
Through the back pain, through the migraines, through the memories of trauma... Through the storms...
Its like having a really good friend. A true friend, you know? A true friend, that loves you. But not the kind of love that all of you are probably picturing, or even what I would picture. A true friend listens to all of your talk and doesn't call it jabbering; they sit through your tears. A true friend doesn't actually care if you reciprocate friendship-- even though this friend loves you, they will give without requiring back. They'll sit with you on sleepless nights, and walk with you when you are scared of the dark. Even more, a true friend would give anything for you, even if you didn't accept it. If you were in trouble, this friend would even give their life.
Perhaps you know someone like this. I know I WANT to be this kind of friend. And I have friends that I would call true, yet I do not hold them quite to this standard. My friends are human, after all. There might be some sleepless nights where they can't make it. But, however "cliche" it sounds, Jesus is a true friend. He even gave his life for me, for you, not caring if we would reciprocate or accept. But he wants it. In fact, he is so jealous for my/your friendship, that he waits outside the door, waiting for us to let him in. And if you're like me, maybe you've given him ownership... Sometimes he just sits at the table with you, waiting patiently for you to talk. Either way, he is a true friend. He is the reason why I hope.
SO we come back today. I have class, and I am living real life. I am priviledged to have real friends who look a lot like my best friend, but none are quite like him. He's the one I'm leaning into. And here's how I hope. I am going to hope so hard that I can't stand on my own. People will ask how I am, and I will say I can't stand, but it isn't because the struggles. It's because the second part of "I can't stand" is "without my Jesus."
Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I'm misplacing my hope. But I don't care. I know I'm not a pessimist to say that the day will get harder sometimes. But I'm leaning in to my Hope-- my Jesus-- with all that I have. So I don't actually care. Bring on the rain.
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Lucky Pennies
I think I have come to a new conclusion about pennies. I wonder if I can help you catch my view...
Suppose after one rather tiring day of contemplating the future, a girl comes upon a bright, shiny penny lying in front of her foot. Well, if she's anything like me, she'll pick it up. Not thinking much about what she usually tries to get rid of, she can't help but glance at the brightness, and read the words.
"In God We Trust" lies along the top in bold letters. Maybe it is lucky to be reminded of that. Lucky to trust in something bigger than you.
A sigh, a few steps more, and fidgety fingers bring the other side into focus. A shield.... somewhat dimly she realizes "God will protect me," and with more excitement "he is my shield!" E pluribus unum, it says. Liberty, in tiny capital letters next to Lincoln's truthful head.
Why bother? Why would anyone care when the thing you make is work less than it takes to produce it? The Wall Street Journal revealed in 2014 that it costs 1.7 cents to make a ONE CENT coin. Pennies cost more than they are worth. I'm not sure what pennies used to be worth, but let's pretend it has always costed more to make than the value of a penny.
So why put in so much money and effort into something so worthless? Apparently, to Someone it has or had value. Someone saw a vision, even in something so small and worthless that few people care if it is lost in the pits of their couches.
Perhaps they saw that a nation could pride itself on the littlest things, and even the poorest of the poor could hold a shiny copper penny that pointed to higher and grander things - like God or freedom. A tiny thing that could be so worthless to some, yet to others it pointed to trust in time and work -- one comes from many, and many from one, after all. Holding a penny, all men were suddenly equal, just as they were created.
Maybe its extrapolation, but in my view the penny captured the essence of the nation. The founders took something big and compressed it, or maybe they saw something small and said that greatness has little beginnings. Either way someone developed the vision for a penny.
I'm not saying don't shoot for the stars. But remember that pennies are good too. Vision can be just as much for the little things of life as it is for the big.
Suppose after one rather tiring day of contemplating the future, a girl comes upon a bright, shiny penny lying in front of her foot. Well, if she's anything like me, she'll pick it up. Not thinking much about what she usually tries to get rid of, she can't help but glance at the brightness, and read the words.
"In God We Trust" lies along the top in bold letters. Maybe it is lucky to be reminded of that. Lucky to trust in something bigger than you.
A sigh, a few steps more, and fidgety fingers bring the other side into focus. A shield.... somewhat dimly she realizes "God will protect me," and with more excitement "he is my shield!" E pluribus unum, it says. Liberty, in tiny capital letters next to Lincoln's truthful head.
Why bother? Why would anyone care when the thing you make is work less than it takes to produce it? The Wall Street Journal revealed in 2014 that it costs 1.7 cents to make a ONE CENT coin. Pennies cost more than they are worth. I'm not sure what pennies used to be worth, but let's pretend it has always costed more to make than the value of a penny.
So why put in so much money and effort into something so worthless? Apparently, to Someone it has or had value. Someone saw a vision, even in something so small and worthless that few people care if it is lost in the pits of their couches.
Perhaps they saw that a nation could pride itself on the littlest things, and even the poorest of the poor could hold a shiny copper penny that pointed to higher and grander things - like God or freedom. A tiny thing that could be so worthless to some, yet to others it pointed to trust in time and work -- one comes from many, and many from one, after all. Holding a penny, all men were suddenly equal, just as they were created.
Maybe its extrapolation, but in my view the penny captured the essence of the nation. The founders took something big and compressed it, or maybe they saw something small and said that greatness has little beginnings. Either way someone developed the vision for a penny.
I'm not saying don't shoot for the stars. But remember that pennies are good too. Vision can be just as much for the little things of life as it is for the big.
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