From Seed to Tree

Ever have sleepless nights?

Well, I do.

Here is a word for you.
You are not your red eyes and damaged skin.
Your fear of the dark doesn't define you.
The doubts and questions in your soul,  no matter how big, will not consume you.
The groanings of your heart will not go unanswered.
Your pain is not your enemy.


-----
Our God is Mighty.
King of Kings, He is Lord of Day and Night.
He is my Dad,
The One who causes flowers to grow in the wilderness,
and the barren plains to gush with living water.

Though it is not from Him, my hurts are in His hands.
What the Enemy intended for evil, God has turned into a seed.
Planted in HIs fertile soil- even in my heart!
Tended by Him oh so sweetly and gently-
His banner is over me!

What was intended for evil will become a flowering tree,
and life will burst from its branches- from me, and my heart!
Not one part of it (me) will be left to decay,
none will be lacking sun.

See-- Good things have taken root.
His Word will come forth, a sprout will show.
Life is His, and in His hands secure.
Great and marvelous is He-
Someday, this tree, this girl, this daughter will look back and see,

What was darkest night to me is where He made room for life to grow.
Under the shelter of His wings is where life is found again.
Under His Son, His Stars, you will breathe and flourish,
...Like a tree planted by living water.

What was desert around you will bloom.
His Word is true, His love is steadfast, and not all of time could change its smallest piece.
The wicked will perish, but the people of God will stand, swayed not by the winds of chance or fear.

Your bark (character) will be true,
Your roots (foundation) firm,
and your trunk/core (heart) will be steadfast in Him.

You will be like a tree, and you will be called His own.
Have courage, dear heart.

Morning is coming, but also the night. If you would ask, then ask again.
Who is Lord of the Day?
and Who, then, is Lord of the Night?

When they come, know and see,
and place your trust in Him alone. 

There WILL come a day...

There was a day when Fear reigned over her heart....

...Chaos and pain were there, in abundance.

....Joy and Sorrow waged war within her.

Day by day she went, burdened and clouded by fear, the weight of it.

Moment by moment the war took its toll, as Fear and its minions stood by...

But that day did not last forever. 

There was a day when that broken, almost false "joy" reigned. 

....It was still a day of Fear.

For a time, it seemed like the war had ended.

The MASK was on. 

Then it cracked.

That day did not last forever.

There was a day when sorrow came, and for a time, fear was washed away in the flood.

Ah. Raw pain.

But sorrow could not get deep enough, and the wells remained shut. 

Need I say more? Fear continued its tyrannical reign in her heart.

How long could she last? 

The days went on.... Then they ended.... And new ones came.

Did they? 

Where was hope?

Insides torn asunder- what is a step forward? 

Three days of death. 

Then..... Life?

YES.

In a rush.... and also a slow trickle.

Someone lifted the girl up. 

Love brushed aside the cobwebs of fear. 

Now, she laughs from a well that is open. 

In the storms, she groans from that deep place. 

Sorrow at last has come out of hiding.

Yet the mask is no longer- the smile, too, is real.

Can it be? 

There is a day where she wakes up....

....Overwhelmed with GRIEF, unable to face the day. 

Sorrow so deep it can barely stand to crawl.

At last, the pits have been unturned.

Pain has found a safe place to come out of hiding. 

Can it really?

There is a day where she wakes up....

....Laughs with the little ones, glories in the beauty around.

JOY so bright and deep, the darkest nights cannot dim it.

Hope no longer fights itself, but falls into safety.

It's true, I know.

LIFE has come.

Now she stands in the storm, Joy in One hand, Sorrow in the Other. 

No longer at war, Joy and Sorrow are the doors to her heart.

Love keeps it safe, a Watchman on the wall.

There will be a day when Fear comes again,

to put to war that which is within. 

Fear will not win. 

Sorrow and its children, Pain, Grief, Loss, Doubt....

Joy and her children, Hope, Trust, Faith...

They have been entrusted to the One who conquered that death.

On that day, She will lift her head, eyes on Life, which is the Light of all mankind.

For She knows who she has believed, and is convinced that He is able to guard what has been entrusted to Him until that day. 

Verse References: 2 Timothy 1:12, John 1

That Fire Inside

Deep in the core of my being is a fire...

... Out of that fire life has come, 

.... out of that fire love has come,

...... and into that fire is where I go when pain is hard, when life hurts, when I want to quit. 

This fire did not come from me. 

It is not even of me - the substance is different, yet not incongruent. Yet we mesh, the fire and I. 

I look at the world and it makes me sad. 

I look at my life and sometimes that makes me sad too.... 

You may not see it, 

but I have felt pain. 

I have known hurt - hurt that makes my insides want to come out, that makes my blood scream and my heart bleed. Hurt of body, hurt of heart - I have felt them both. 

Hurts from others, hurts from myself - I have felt these two. 

But I don't give up. 

I haven't, and I won't. 

And I don't think you should either. 

I'll fight for it. 

I'll fight for your life, I'll fight for your hope. 

I'll fight until the fire in me comes to you too. 

Why would I fight for you? Why would I fight you - over your own life? 

Because the fire in me IS life. 

This life is not my own. 

It is not of me - yet it is within me. 

This life calls me to love, it calls me to see. 

And I see you, dear heart, hurting. 

There's pain in you too- and anger, hurt, rage, frustration, despair.... All these things can be there. 

Sometimes it seems like it is too much. 

But life is calling. 

YES. It is HARD. 

It hurts. 

It hurts so much sometimes you wonder if it is worth it. 

BUT IT IS. 

The fire inside of me attests to this. 

The LIFE inside of me.... can be in you. 

Because my LIFE is not my own - it was bought with a price. 

Yet that price freed my soul like nothing else could. 

My darkness became light, and lightness was a feather. 

With fire in my heart and hope in my hands I will fight. 

Out of this fire comes a conviction, and this conviction runs through my veins. 

Life is not done yet.

..... In....

........Out...In....

.....In......

...........Out....In....

Like an athlete after a race, 

like a swimmer coming up for air.... I breathe. 

Dear friends, breathe with me. 

Don't give up on life - not now, not ever. 

Not when the rain comes, not in the hurricanes, not at the very end. 

From start to finish we run, we breathe, we struggle, we love, we cry, we laugh.... 

LIFE.

No - the suffering was not meant to be. The hurt, the pain, the struggle - you are right to say it's unnatural. It is. 

Yet life has still come - it has come hard and fast, or slow and painful, or for some it seems it hasn't come at all, or it was gone too soon.  

But when i struggle, I go back to that fiery place in me. 

Take heart, for there is ONE who has overcome the world. 

I cannot make you see it. 

For me, Life came at a young age - before the hurts came.  

Life came and asked -- Will you believe, Dear Heart? 

I'll admit. I have at times felt forsaken. I have been hurt - oh so hurt. I have even lost my hope for a bit, like a child wondering through a store, afraid of being abandoned. I have walked away from Life in anger. 

I have raged at Life. Me- the optimist. Believe it, it's true. 

Yet Life has not left me. 

Like a little child I have raged at God -- "YOU LEFT ME!" "WHY?" "WHERE WERE YOU?"

Weeping, I have asked, looked... 

...at times feeling forsaken.... 

Yet LIFE has never left me. 

It started when I was a child. Little - trusting, untouched by pain. 

You see, there is life- that which comes and goes, that which hurts and burns and gives you all the feelings you wanted and those you never did, too. 

Then there is LIFE. LIFE that brings hope. LIFE that brings love. LIFE that is a safe place to go when all seems lost. 

But not a place. This second kind of LIFE - a person. 

I met Him when I was a girl. 

I believed He was good. 

I believed He was God. 

I believed He died to save me - and rose again. 

And here's the thing...

That fire? 

It's still there - 

because I chose to walk with God. I keep choosing. 

And He - He named Himself Emmanuel - God with US. 

So through all that pain, all that "life" (first kind), His LIFE, His Son 

-- Jesus has never left me. 

And I still believe. 

                                                                                                          

.....Want in? Romans 10:9-10 says that if you "declare with your mouth 'Jesus is Lord' and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved." 

I promise it won't be easy. "In this world you will have trouble" -- He said that. But He also promised this -- "Take heart, for I have overcome the world" (John 16:33). 

And get this -- You don't have to be alone.